For some time now, E has has three highly noteworthy alarm clocks (only two of which are currently in use) purchased to circumvent the eternal problem of The
Snooze Button:
- The Earth Shaker 116db pink loveheart.
This alarming looking thing is the Alpha alarm-clock: It beats up other alarm clocks and steals their harems. It’s just impossibly loud, with a tunable alarm pitch so you can find the type of noise that best drills into your head. The bed-shaker is also disconcertingly effective. A traditional alarm-clock that goes up to 11, this thing only has two potential issues: 1. It doesn’t seem to keep terribly accurate time. 2. The brilliant technicolor glowing numerals may be too bright to sleep in front of for some.
- The Helicopter.
The alarm goes off, and the top of the (battery powered, screwed shut) alarm clock literally flies away. It is then impossible to snooze or stop the alarm until you find the top bit and put its keyed butt back into the clock… or unscrew the battery hatch and remove the power-source. The alarm tone itself is a nice trek-esque klaxon noise, but the sensation of something suddenly spinning shakily at many RPM not too far from your head is also a powerful inducement to wake up. Cons: 1. Battery life is actually really good, but a vital alarm which can go flat is still a minor irk. 2. The savagery which this alarm can induce is detrimental to the somewhat fragile rotor and key assembly. The rotor itself is replaceable, but the key mechanism can break too. 3. This clock turns out to be susceptible to autonomic snooze-button-slapping, provided one’s reflexes are fast enough to pre-empt lift-off. - The chimes.
A gentle alarm. If you’re susceptible to quiet-but-attention-grabbing alarms, this is ideal, with its wind-chime-like tinkling.
But lately I have seen a truly silly number of novel alarm clocks on the various fora I frequent, and decided that it was time for my own round-up of these sado-masochistic toys/tools.
- The clock that calls your friends if you don’t get up.
Appears to use bluetooth to drive your mobile, after your first three-minute snooze it calls a random contactfrom your phone’s address book. Evil and manipulative. - The clock that runs away.
A one-off research project,when you hit Clocky’s snooze button, Clocky rolls off your bedside table and hides, so that you have to find it to turn off the next alarm. - The bomb clock.
Makes you solve a wiring sequence problem with colored plugs and lights.Goes BOOM if you take too long or don’t get it right. - The clock that makes you pump iron.
Dumbbell-shaped clock requires thirty reps to appease it. - The clock that thinks it’s a headcrab.
Another one-off, this clock hangs from the ceiling above your bed, slowly winds itself up higher every time you hit snooze.
I have a Japanese Transformer, Heinrad who has a battery-operated alarm clock in his chest. The clock can only be set/disabled in robot mode, so you can set him, transform him into magical raccoon dog mode, then go to sleep. I only did this once, finding it entirely too distressing to master his transformation upon waking to a shrieking tanuki.
E points out the following important addition to this list: The Puzzle Alarm Clock which looks like a cot-toy and spits out three coloured blocks when it goes off, requiring you to find them and put them back in their coloured, shaped holes to shut it up. May or may not be less stressful than a screaming transformer.
Oooh, E points out one more: Laser Target Alarm Clock.
“Featuring a hand-held laser remote (batteries included) and a conveniently sized round target, a well-aimed ‘zap’ from the remote is the only way to stop the alarm.”
And yet another. This post is turning into a directory!
Rocket Launcher Alarm Clock:
“When it’s time to get up, the LED lights start to flash and the countdown begins!
Sending off warnings throughout the countdown, this alarm clock gives you time to abort the mission before it has launched itself across the room! If by the time it reaches LIFT OFF you fail to stop it, the only way to do so is by getting up and retrieving it!”
Completeness!
Well, probably not, there will be more. Like this one:
Moshi’s IVR Alarm Clock accepts voice commands, harbors own primary directives
A voice-activated alarm clock. Sadly, it looks like you can’t yell ‘snooze’ at it to make it cease its yammering.
Yep, another in the same day:
The Escape Clock is a giant ESCape key. You snooze by whacking the whole clock.
The clock turns into a little stereo if you roll it onto its side.
Sadly, this one is also a concept, a one-off.
MOARZ!
The iLuv iNT170 internet-radio alarm clock is exactly what it sounds like.
Most people often choose an alarm clock that is pleasant to wake up. There are alarm clocks with shrill alarming sounds. ShakeAwake is an alarm clock made with a vibrating style, which is unconventional in shape and has typical features like a snooze function, LCD Display and a one year warranty.
Even more:
The Neverlate Executive alarm clock is just a fscking awesome alarm clock, very serious about doing its job as a clock.